Importance of outdoor play

Family life is an adventure, and every day is full of excitement and exploration when you’re a child. But being a parent is challenging.  We want to teach our children to experience the world and take risks, but we always want to make sure they are safe. And there always seems too much to do and never quite enough time to enjoy our children as much as we want to. Finding the balance can be tough, and as Chief Executive of The Parent Coaching Academy, I work with many families experiencing this challenge. As a working mum, I’m trying to get this balance right myself too.

It’s normal for mum and dad to avoid risk and get used to certain ways of doing things. So it’s no surprise that the Savlon survey reveals that parents struggle to find the time to play in the fresh air with their children, over two-thirds of parents worry about their children playing outside, and 40% of children have never climbed a tree.

Like many parents, I wanted to teach my young daughter Holly to ride a scooter.  She was so thrilled to get her little hands on those handlebars. They were purple with streaming tassels.  It didn’t quite go according to plan. She lost her balance and fell off a lot. There were many meltdowns, tears and bruises along the way – especially when practising downhill!  It literally was a roller coaster ride – scary and exciting. I was far more worried about her travelling at speed and hurting herself than she was. But we kept on, little and often.  Eventually she cracked it. I can still picture her face on that day. Her gleeful grin when, after all the hard work, she managed to control her scooter for the very first time.

Investing that time and energy is so worth it. There are so many benefits to nurturing our child’s ‘inner adventurer’ – and our own of course.  When they do something fun outside, like climbing a tree, riding a bike or swimming in the sea, it boosts their confidence and self-esteem. Especially when they really have to work at it.  It’s good for cognitive, physical and emotional well-being, as well as brilliant for boosting confidence, curiosity and imagination. When we adventure outdoors, we’re helping our sons and daughters to develop a ‘can do’ and problem-solving attitude to life.

Even more, when we nurture our child’s inner adventurer, we are creating memories that last forever.  They connect with those times and can establish long-lasting memories of the event. Neuro-scientists can demonstrate that when we think of a happy childhood experience, look at a picture or talk about it, it replicates pretty closely the patterns of the brain and the strength of emotion that we felt when we first had the experience. We connect again. How powerful is that!  

So, I’m a great believer in children having a ‘happy wall’ in their bedroom – packed with pictures of them having fun and doing stuff for the first time.   Those images – and all of the associated emotions – are the last thing they see at night and the first thing in the morning. Particularly important on those days when your child may be having a bit of a confidence wobble.

I work with children of different ages, strengths and abilities – in secondary and primary schools.  There’s no doubt that outdoors is a brilliant tool for mums and dads to help build their child’s resilience.  For children who struggle at school, be it with maths, reading or friendship issues, giving them the opportunity to excel at something else and outdoors can transform them.  A child who struggles academically will often have a very energetic and visual mind, feeling more confident in the fresh air than they do in the classroom.  

Max is 10 and he finds school tough.  He has dyslexia. Reading and writing are stressful for him.  But he loves being outside. His idol is Bear Grylls.   In the open air, he challenges himself.  He is confident, a leader, and determined.  He gives it his all when he’s trying to get to the top of the climbing frame or light a campfire.  He’s very kind and supportive of children who aren’t so confident. Because he knows what that’s like to struggle.  Max’s skills, strengths and qualities are transferable. He doesn’t leave them in the park or wood. He takes them into school with him. His mum and dad have been working hard to remind him of this.  They make the connections between that area of his life where he feels really resilient, and the one where he doesn’t. They are specific about the values, and qualities he demonstrates. They talk about them.  They celebrate them. They are nurturing his inner resilience coach, with evidence. The confidence he is gaining from his adventures outside are boosting his belief in himself, and his performance in the classroom.

My latest book, ‘Super Coach Arty Vs The Shadow’ – Taking the fear out of failure’ is packed with ideas from children, like Max, about strengthening the voice of their ‘inner resilience coach, their inner adventurer’ and managing tough emotions like the fear of failure and having a go.

After a recent storm, I was walking behind a mum with her two young children, Harry and Alice. They were wrapped up in raincoats and gleefully jumping into puddles with their wellies. But in one moment, the laughter turned to tears when Alice slipped and landed bang in the middle of the puddle. Soaked and shocked. There was silence and then a tearful meltdown. Mum looked really stressed – understandably - and couldn’t console her daughter. Harry on the other hand, smiled and put out his arms like a superhero circling the puddle.

‘Hang on Alice, I’m coming to save you!” He jumped into the puddle, pulled her up and swung her around. By the time her feet reached dry ground, she was giggling. Mum was relieved. And off they went again, laughing about that shared experience. We can teach our children a lot. We can also learn so much from them.

Children are naturally more adventurous than their parents, much more likely to ‘live in the moment’. So today, take a minute to notice the adventurer in them and tell them what you see. They may take time to stroke a dog, touch a plant, wonder at a worm wriggling along the pavement. Set them some fun challenges and let them use their imagination and find creative solutions to problems. Enjoy watching them becoming independent and making their own decisions and choices. The outdoors is a great classroom and ideal for us to encourage that spirit of adventure in our children. By helping them to deal with the bumps in the road, we are strengthening their resilience muscle, their inner adventurer. We’re giving them the resources to climb life’s mountains – whatever it looks like - and have fun along the way.

Encouraging playing outside has many benefits.  But then there's the issue of finding time to actually do it.  Family lives are busy. There’s always so much to do and never quite enough mum or dad to go around.   We hear a lot said about ‘Time Management’. I always think that time management is really all about energy management.  If you manage your energy – and your family’s – you will create more time and have more fun. We’ll always be able to create the time to do things we are really motivated to do.  That’s why looking after yourself as a parent is vital – not a luxury. Make sure you and your family are getting their vital 5-a-day – sleep, exercise, healthy diet, fun and love.

Be kind to yourself.  We busy parents can’t be 100% mum or dad all of the time.  But we can be 100% some of the time, and it’s those times that are vital.  Create time, even if it's just 10 minutes to do something fun, adventurous and unstructured.  It’s great for us parents too. Adults as well as children feel more relaxed in the fresh air and it allows us to detach from life’s everyday pressure and take a moment to breathe. Active families are much more likely to get a good night’s sleep and this is key to our wellbeing.  

At the Parent Coaching Academy, we surveyed 1,000 children and 9/10 of them said they felt ‘stressed on a daily’ basis.  They also said that their parents ‘often’ seemed stressed and ‘often’ shouted when they were. I struggle with this too and just like many parents, I’m working on it.  Ask my children, they’ll say I still have a lot of work to do!